Investing in Your Child's Future: Developing the Ability to Delay Gratification

Hello, this is Kwon Min-jeong.

Today, I'd like to talk about patience, perseverance, or perhaps even the ability to delay gratification.

We often find ourselves at a crossroads between instant gratification and delayed gratification . Instant gratification satisfies immediate needs, while delayed gratification means sacrificing small present pleasures for greater rewards in the future.

Immediate Gratification vs. Delayed Gratification

- Instant Gratification: This refers to the temptation to satisfy immediate needs. For example, when you're on a diet and crave delicious food right away.

Delayed Gratification: This refers to giving up a small, immediate reward in the present in order to obtain a larger reward in the future. For example, while dieting, you might forgo a craving for food in exchange for the greater reward of losing your target weight.

Immediate gratification may make you feel good in the short term, but it can lead to negative consequences in the long term. On the other hand, delayed gratification brings a greater sense of accomplishment and long-term satisfaction.

Smartphones and instant gratification

Especially today, our children are constantly exposed to instant gratification through smartphones from a young age. They can easily access a variety of content, including YouTube videos, games, and social media, providing instant pleasure.

Smartphones make it harder for children to wait and make them more focused on immediate gratification.

Why is the ability to delay gratification important?

In the early 1970s, Stanford University professor Walter Mischel conducted the famous "Marshmallow Experiment" to study the correlation between children's ability to delay gratification and their future success. He gave each child a marshmallow and offered them a second one if they didn't eat it within 15 minutes. What was the result?

Marshmallow experiment results

The results of the experiment showed that some children ate the marshmallow as soon as they received it, while others waited 15 minutes and then received another marshmallow.

And when they later followed up on the children who participated in this marshmallow experiment, they found that their ability to delay gratification was closely related to their future academic achievement, social skills, and stress coping skills.

Why Kids Have a Hard Time Waiting

While this may not be a problem unique to children, the most challenging part of learning to delay gratification is suppressing and waiting for immediate desires . This can be more or less difficult depending on a child's developmental stage and environmental factors.

- Poor impulse control : Young children have a strong tendency to react immediately to immediate urges because their self-control is still developing. Two- and three-year-olds are often easily frustrated or throw tantrums in situations where patience is expected.

- The strong temptation of immediate rewards : This is something that more researchers have been paying attention to recently, but the more things in the environment that provide immediate gratification, such as smartphones, TV, and snacks, the more difficult it is for children to wait for bigger rewards.

- Difficulty understanding the reason for waiting : If you are at a developmental stage where you have difficulty understanding a logical explanation for "why you have to wait," you may naturally feel frustrated.

- Lack of consistency : If you break promises or go back on your word "next time," children may feel that waiting is meaningless and become more resistant.

Effective Strategies for Developing Delayed Gratification Skills

There are many ways to teach children to "wait." It's best to find a method that suits your child's development and implement it consistently!

Gradually increase the "waiting time" : Rather than making your child wait for a long time right from the start, it's more effective to start with a short amount of time and gradually increase it. For example, you can practice waiting by giving them a specific amount of time, such as, "Shall we wait for 00 seconds?" (If you have the time, feel free to use a phone or timer!)

- Use a reward system : Using a token system or sticker chart to visually demonstrate delayed rewards is a good way to reinforce waiting. Have your child collect stickers each time they achieve a target behavior, and reward them with a desired reward once they've collected a certain number of stickers.

Connecting "waiting" to play : There are many games that can help you practice pause and start, but you can start by connecting them to play and practicing short waits. Games like "Simon says" or "The Rose of Sharon has bloomed" can help your child experience "waiting" in a fun way.

Applying it naturally in everyday life : It's important to take advantage of opportunities to experience "waiting" in everyday life, such as waiting in line at the supermarket or at a traffic light. Encourage your child with positive language, such as, "Wait a minute, and then we'll have some delicious ice cream." Also, if your child struggles to wait for their meal at a restaurant, practice waiting little by little by engaging them in activities that distract them, like drawing, playing with stickers, or solving puzzles, as many people do.

Clearly explain the reason for waiting and suggest alternative behaviors : Explain "why we need to wait now" in simple, concrete language, using age-appropriate language. If your child struggles with waiting even after understanding, suggest an alternative, such as "Not now, but let's do 00 instead," to encourage them to meet their immediate needs in other ways.

When using this strategy, parents should remember that it's most important to build trust in their children by keeping promises of rewards and being consistent in their responses to various types of resistance!

Consistent practice and positive feedback are important.

"Waiting" isn't something you can master overnight. Like riding a bike or tying your shoelaces, it's a skill you must learn.

It's important to consistently practice and provide positive feedback tailored to your child's personality and developmental stage. Why not warmly encourage your child to feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction through "waiting?"