Where Does True Happiness Come From? – A Happiness Research Story for Children, Parents, and All of Us

There are words we often use when talking about children's development, emotions, and behavior. 
These are words like ‘resilience,’ ‘self-esteem,’ and ‘emotional regulation.’

But there is another, more fundamental word that ties all of this together.

It is happiness .

I read an article in the New York Times Magazine today and thought it would be good to share, so I'm writing this.

Based on the long-term research of psychologists Sonja Lyubomirsky and Robert Waldinger, this is a scientific approach to the question, “How can we become happier?”

Based on the article, I have compiled some helpful information for parents and therapists.

View original article – The New York Times Magazine, May 1, 2025

Happiness begins with relationships, not results.

Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky has spent a long time studying the question, “Why are some people happier?” and has found that very simple actions, such as expressing gratitude, performing small acts of kindness, and sharing conversations, can increase people’s happiness.

What's surprising is that these behaviors are effective not just for mood-lifting, but because they deepen the 'connection' between people .

An 85-year long-term study at Harvard University led by Dr. Robert Waldinger reached the same conclusion.
The most powerful predictor of life satisfaction and health is:
It wasn't money, it wasn't education, it wasn't fame, it was a 'good relationship' .

 

Three important messages this study tells us

1. Think about 'connection' before your child's behavioral problems.

When you notice your child being irritable, disobedient, or having trouble regulating their emotions, it may be more effective to first reflect on whether they are emotionally connected rather than trying to correct their behavior.

Making eye contact, empathizing warmly, and sharing your feelings with your child will help them open their hearts.

2. Parents also need a "happy connection."

In the midst of the busy and exhausting daily routine of parenting, parents can also become emotionally isolated.
At times like these, a quick phone call with a friend, a 10-minute walk with your spouse, or a smile shared with a stranger at a coffee shop can be a small but definite source of healing energy.

Happiness starts with small connections rather than big events.

3. Therapists and educators should also prioritize relationships over skills.

It is important to know what strategy you use with your child,
Without a sense of relational security with your child, no strategy will be effective.

As a therapist and teacher, the first thing to check is, “Is this child emotionally connected to me?”
This may be the starting point for the most effective intervention.

 

What can you start doing today?

☑️ Take time to say 'thank you'
Send a short thank you to your mom, friend, coworker, husband, teacher, or yourself.

☑️ Talk to your child for 5 minutes a day
Remind your child that he or she is important by saying something like, “How was your day?”

☑️ Open a conversation before starting treatment or class
“Aside from the difficult things today, was there anything that made you feel good?”
As your relationship with your child becomes stronger, the atmosphere changes.

Dr. Waldinger says:
“The most obvious secret to a happy and healthy life is good relationships. That's all there is to it. ”

It's easy to overlook, but it may be the most important criterion in life.

Today,
Try saying something a little more heartfelt to someone.

What parents who raise children, professionals who help children, and all of us need is
It might not be a complicated answer, but a warm moment of connection .